Saturday, March 11, 2006
a long time frd called mi 2day.. surprised filled mi..but well.. den talk abt r/s haix..i felt like askin him 2 juz shut up..!! i didnt wan 2 hear anymore, any further..it hurt mi so much lo..hu e hell he tinks 2 say all those?! i reali so angry n hurt n upset.. yet.....
yet i cant deny e fact tt wat he say is false.. i cant.. if dis came out fr my parents i will ignore le.. i will juz get fed up n heck.. at tt pt i felt like cryin.. wat m i suppose 2 do?! haix.. ask baby 2 fight wif mi.. but im alone.. how come my frd can guess tt out when totally didnt say anyting 2 him b4?! haix..how can he sense my unhappiness n pain?! when we dun even contact so often.. i cldn't speak.. my mind was blank.. i cant even find e words 2 fight back n say wat he say is wrong..!! y?! i dun noe.. is tt a hint from GOD? tt i shld let go...? haix. but my frd is right.. i wan 2 let go but i oso dun wan 2 let go.
darling say im selfish tt im tinkin onli 4 myself.. true ba.. but she dun noe wat im feeling rite now..*no offence dar* i reali m trap.. i set tt trap myself.. i cant decribe wat im reali feeling but it hurts like hell.. wat do i wan in life?! juz 2 enjoy n b myself.. yet i find tt i cant b myself.. im adventurous i wan 2 try new tings, but i dun.. i hide tt cos im scared..scared of wat? i dun noe.... haix.. "na de qi, yao fang de sia" my frd told mi once.. i nv forget tt.. i na qi le..but i fang bu sia. i use 2 tink i cld...
does dis mean tt now i tink tt i can take e regret *if i ever regret* but when it comes i realise im wrong?! tt im wrong all along?! haix..
so many tings in my head but i dun noe how type it out..im lost..its been so many yrs n im still lost.. do i reali still love him n does he reali still love mi like e used to? or has it already become a routine..? i dun noe e ans anymore.....
thinking of you @ 2:46 AM